See those words in the first image? “I see you, 2020. I see you.” When I placed those letters on my letterboard last December, I intended it as a play on optical words. I hoped for a new year with more clarity, greater vision of my goals, and even greater focus on life in general. Little did I know just how challenging this year would be; or how badly blurred it would become; or how difficult it would be to bring it into focus.
The year 2020 has become a year of redefinition for the world. We talk about getting things back to normal, you know, like how things were back in the Before Times of 2019, but that will never happen. The chaos of 2020 will forever change how we now proceed. Yet, I still have high hopes that those changes will ultimately be for the better. I haven’t posted much of anything on social media this year. I’ve been busy studying and paying attention and learning about this planet and its people, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. (Forgive the language, but it DOES seem like Satan and his minions are working overtime.) I’ve tiptoed through 2020, careful with the placement of every step. Careful not to hurt another’s feelings. Careful not to tread upon the troubles of another.
Midway through the year, I rearranged those letters on my letterboard to read, “You got me, 2020. I did NOT see you coming.” I’ve experienced some personal years where I thought to myself, “How am I supposed to deal with all of this at once?” But this year? 2020? It tops the list for uncertainty, second-guessing myself, and being BLINDSIDED by an endless lineup of events no one in their right mind would have ever expected to witness. Never has there been a time when I so often made reference to the signs of the times, or the end of days, or a nearing apocalypse. Swarms of pestilence, racism, fires, protests, floods, riots, earthquakes, inequality, hurricanes, unemployment, landslides, political divisiveness, famine, and hatred, all occurring during a plague. A plague!
In the Now Times, I feel different. Sure, there are days when my creativity gets bogged down in the worry of it all, and my work-in-progress may not be released in 2020 like I’d planned, but I’m trying to live in the moment, whether that moment is filled with angst or humor, so that when I look back on 2020, I’ll be able to see how it redefined me. I’ve started a list, a “Things 2020 Taught Me” list. It is very long and includes such priceless gems as “Hold very still as the swab scrapes the back of your skull.”
There’s an old adage that says, “Hindsight is always 20/20.” It’s an old adage because it’s been proven to be true. We always see more clearly when we look back through the lens of experience. In two short months, we’ll all be able to look at this year from 2021’s perspective. What will that hindsight provide us? What will we see? Will we wish we’d handled things differently? Expressed opinions more kindly? Done more for others? Learned more? Recorded our experiences? Cut ourselves some slack? Found the beauty? Found faith? Cleaned the garage?
In 2 months, 2020 will be over, and even though I’ve made countless jokes about what next year could hold, I am FAR from making any bold statements about 2021 like I did about 2020. I have no idea what next year could hold. But I do know that I will go into next year much differently, armed with more faith in, understanding of, and compassion for my fellow human beings and myself.
I’ve got two more months to wrap up 2020 on my terms. And so do you. When you look back, what will you see?
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