Today would be my father’s 100th birthday. Wasn’t he handsome? Quiet and kind and mindful and hardworking, he was the best father in the world to me. On his last birthday earthside, he turned 81 and we had a family BBQ. I remember him saying, “I don’t need all this hoopla. It’s just another blasted birthday.” But he said it with a big crooked grin.
It’s been 18 years since he passed, and 27 since Mom died, and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve picked up the phone to ask one of them a question, I’d be a rich woman after all these years. The muscle memory of the heart doesn’t weaken with the years—that instinctive urge to seek answers from the two who never steered me wrong still prods me along today.
Yet, as I’ve aged, and lost other dear ones, I’ve found myself doing it with them, too. I’ve picked up my phone to text Shelby about a recipe, or send Cynthia a funny old photo of us as kids. And when I realize the futility and stop myself, that muscle memory in my heart aches for a minute, as my question settles atop the mountain of unanswered questions waiting for the time I can ask them all.
So, last year, leading up to Dad’s birthday, I began to write a book. A book of questions I wish I’d asked, the answers of which would have made life a bit better. And then I realized that questions are for the living (unless you’ve got a talkative ghost in residence).
We need to ask these questions while we’ve got people here. My collection of questions aren’t meant only for the elderly. They’re for all the people we love. People we value. Because we never know how long we’ll have the opportunity to ask.
I realize that if my dad would be 100 today, it means I’m no spring chicken. So I’m going to follow my own advice and answer some of these questions for my family, because they might want the answers someday.
I’m so close to finishing! So close! To celebrate Dad’s big day, I would love it if you would help me wrap this up.
Do you have a question you wish you would’ve asked a departed loved one? Or a question you’d like to ask of the living?
Send me a message and help me celebrate Dad’s 100th with all the hoopla he deserves by finishing this blasted book.
Happy 100, Dad. I'll love you til the cows come home!
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